Does Anne Hathaway give good divorcée?

I watched a straight-to-streaming movie. That was, perhaps, my first mistake.

When working on my book, I’m very careful about what media I consume. Because I’ve found that what I watch, read, and listen to finds its way into my work. This isn’t always a bad thing. But when it comes to writing about my divorce and wondering how I ever fit into married life, I don’t need a show like Bridgerton fooling me into thinking that I really need a gentleman caller right now.

But, when it comes to building a business, I’m a little less discerning about what I watch and how it might affect me. Because media is mainstream. And mainstream builds culture. Right? (something like that.)

Over the summer, I watched The Idea of You. It’s the latest Anne Hathaway rom-com based on the book of the same name by Robinne Lee. The internet (and an article) confirms that it’s loosely based on Harry Styles during his One Direction fame¹.

“[Anne Hathaway’s] not going to win any awards from it, but it’s a great date night movie,” my friend who recommended the movie to me said.

So I grabbed a Saturday night, curled up on the couch with my favorite date, and pressed play.

The movie starts and we meet Solène, a 40-year-old divorced woman, right away.

Omg, my friend didn’t say this was a divorcée movie!

Before you keep reading, please know that the following will include spoilers. I don’t write movie reviews so I don’t know how to tease out my opinion without ruining your experience. If you have not seen the movie, go watch it and come back to read this newsletter later.²

If you’ve already seen the movie or have no interest in watching it, I invite you to continue reading…

At the start of the movie, Solène is packing for a weekend of solo camping while her teenage daughter is off to Coachella. VIP. Tickets courtesy of Solène’s ex-husband, who is painted as “father of the year,” with all the money and the hot new wife and, yeah…you can paint the rest.

Yes, Solène/Anne is about to have her Wild weekend. Why she’s having this find-herself trip three years after her divorce is a question not addressed in the movie.; I’ll let that slide as I know that everyone processes the end of their marriage and how to rebuild their life after divorce in their own time.

As you could have guessed, there’s a work emergency and the father can’t take the teenager and her friends to the festival. Naturally, the mother has to cancel her plans to chaperone.

We get to Cochella. Solène wanders off in, perhaps, one of the most creative hunts for the bathroom ever. She stumbles into the trailer of the lead singer of the headlining boy band. Solène is cultured. But why she doesn’t wonder why the VIP toilet had no line is a plot hole that is not important.

This is the meet-cute.

Solène doesn’t know it, but we, the viewers, know it. And so does the heart throb — a 20-something lead singer of the boy band who Solène’s daughter was obsessed with when she was younger.

The daughter is 14 or 15 now, so the obsession must have been when she was 12? And has outgrown it. Solène doesn’t recognize the heartthrob; she still thinks she’s at a public toilet. Her naivety is cute. This is what attracts the heartthrob to her. This chase. Falling into the fantasy that he, a world-famous pop star, is a regular person. That he could, possibly, be “normal.”

The two part ways. Get into another awkward encounter. It’s obvious he’s smitten, but Solène is oblivious. And the daughter is trying to be a cool teenager instead of falling over in fandom at meeting her favorite boy band.

The scene ends.

New scene. It’s Solène’s 40^th birthday.

She blows out candles, embraces her married best friend (who is obviously clueless to whatever Solène is going through) and sends the birthday girl off to meet the other guests—single men that her married friends have invited to her birthday party. (I can’t think of a worse gift.)

We see a montage of men hitting on Solène. It’s like swiping through Tinder or Bumble but in a real-life situation. It’s cringy, stereotypical, and not well-written (though the last one made me laugh). Though, I suppose if you haven’t dated on the apps, then this is probably a new experience for you.

The point of this scene is for us, the audience, to see how horrible the dating pool is and how little options a woman in her 40s has.

Don’t worry, friends! The heartthrob is still thinking of her! He’s trying to track her down. AND HE DOES. He shows up at the gallery THAT SHE OWNS—a detail that is a huge ass accomplishment and is not addressed AT ALL in the movie.

This is where the hot affair with the younger man starts.

We see a montage of him leading her out back doors to dodge the paparazzi. She doesn’t tell anyone when they start sleeping together, not even that married friend who invited all the single men to her birthday party or her daughter. No one knows it’s happening except for Solène and the heartthrob. He calls all the shots. He’s the famous one. He’s the one who knows how to dodge the media. She is along for the ride—like a lot of divorcées are.

Solène’s daughter goes off to summer camp. Solène goes to Europe to join the pop star on tour in Europe. We see her dancing backstage and the heartthrob is on stage, smiling at her during the most-telling lyric—she is slaying the faithful groupie/girlfriend trope. Then, we cut to the lovers rolling around in their hotel room. Sex scenes without sex. Intimate, and hot.

It’s like an updated version of Almost Famous—we think the woman is in control.

But she’s not.

Throughout the movie, we get drips about her story—she married young, had her daughter at 23, and started her gallery. Then, her husband had an affair and left her for another woman (who he is still with). There’s unresolved drama there. The movie plays with the tension between the two ex-es, but their marriage and divorce feels pretty straightforward. This makes sense, this movie is not about their marriage and divorce.

Here’s what we learn about Solène: She owns a house that she can now decorate the way that she wants to and her husband hated. She owns a gallery WITH HER NAME ON IT and HAS EMPLOYEES. She seems to have a healthy relationship with her daughter. The kind that seems to only work with single moms and only children; who have bonded over a shared trauma or experience. And that’s about it.

That’s the problem with this movie—it’s positioned as a love affair, a redemption story of a divorcée³, but it’s not. Her experience is missing from the entire movie. She doesn’t have character growth. She seems to be just going along with the flow with decisions people make around her (like her ex-husband, her new lover, her daughter) and dialogue that tried to string together her backstory but, honestly, it’s weak.

I want to know more. I want to know what she’s been up to for the past three years. How did she start a gallery while raising a daughter and being married to a man (who seems like an asshole) with a very demanding job? How did she not recognize the lead singer of the band that her then-preteen daughter was OBSESSED WITH???

And maybe I’m getting the point of this movie all wrong. Maybe this isn’t a story about a woman finding herself and taking initiative of her life. Going after all those dreams that she had to put on hold while she was doing the “good wife/good mom” chapter. Maybe the story is really about, “Can a regular person fall in love with a famous musician?” Can they make it work?

Or how a woman explored and indulged in her life after divorce?

This movie feels like a white knight/savior type of movie. Maybe it’s just Princess Diaries, the Divorcée edition?

As my date⁴ put it: “The message is that a woman has to constantly put herself last: last in her marriage, last for her kid.”

But, like, she’s fucking successful. So, it seems like she’s OK with that—with putting her husband first in their marriage (even though she opened a fucking art gallery WHILE MARRIED AND RAISING A KID. I DON’T KNOW MUCH ABOUT STARTING AN ART GALLERY, BUT THAT FEELS SIGNIFICANT!) and putting her hot affair with the pop star on hold until her kid graduated high school so that her kid didn’t have to deal with paparazzi or bullying (even though the kid, with the support of her friends, said that she was totally prepared for the attention and then in the next scene, the next f*ing morning, the kid can’t take it anymore JUST BECAUSE HER DAD WALKS IN AND HAS A PROBLEM WITH IT TOO. !#)&#)!UEJ@$)

I want more. I want character growth. I want this story to be about her. Not about her relationship. Not about her kid. And not about her ex-husband.

Yes, I’ve had the Almost Famous fantasy, too (it’s a chapter in my book), but, like, show me her struggles. Her growth. What does she think about the relationship? What are her dreams that she didn’t get to do? What did she do when she wasn’t rolling around in hotel beds with the pop star in Europe or hanging out backstage?

I want that movie.

My rating for this movie: 8 for effort/intention/representation of showing a divorcée’s story, but -5 for the story since it revolves around a man and the growth is around the love interest.

As she told her daughter after her daughter found out about the affair: “He’s a feminist, but still a man.”

I feel this on so many levels.

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1. Another rumor was that this movie is also a spoof of the Olivia Wilde and Harry Styles relationship.

2. Just remember to come back :)

3. OK, maybe I added that.

4. He was more pissed off about this movie and is drafting a thread about it.