If I'm honest with myself

I pushed back the launch of my business. I have some feelings about it.

I pushed back the launch date of Dispatched Divorcée.

Again, one of the voices inside my head would like me to remind you.

Which, if I’m being honest, wants to have the lead narrator role in this post for a bit.

My bf keeps walking in and out of the kitchen where I’m working. It’s my fault, kinda. I left out a boyfriend trap for him. He keeps coming into the kitchen for a few bites. Then, he’ll disappear and do a little work on the work-that-he-doesn’t-want-to-do. Another 10 or 15 minutes pass by; he’s back in the kitchen. Taking a break from doing the scary stuff to talk out loud to me.

“Like you do to me,” he teases.

A lightbulb goes off and I say: “Does that mean you want me to acknowledge what you’re saying but not really participate?!”

Which is all I ever want from him when I’m in a state similar to the one he’s in.

“Uncertain,” he says, dodging the question, but really he’s saying that we’ve gotten to the maximum level of self-awareness between each other right now.

We laugh.

I tell him that I’m writing and he’s very distracting, but I’m learning my way through it. Then, I thank him for sharing with me what he’s observing about himself.

He takes another bite of the boyfriend trap and disappears.

I don’t cook. That’s a cross I’ll die on. If I invite you over to mine for dinner, usually I’ll find a way for someone else to make what we eat. (Which tends to be the bf.) But cocktails? I’ll make you the best one that you’ve ever had in your life.

I don’t cook; I bake and I make delicious cocktails.

It’s a feminist identity thing.

Just like I swore that I’d never take care of another man again. But what’s the difference between taking care of a husband who doesn’t respect you and doing nice things that you know another person would appreciate who happens to be a man, too.?

Maye I should have been specific — after my divorce, I swore that I would never take care of another man like my husband again.

Maybe that’s the difference?

Let’s try this again:

I pushed back my launch date. Again.

I’ve changed the date so many times and it isn’t because I’m being a perfectionist and over-engineering the damn thing. No, it’s because it needs to work.

In September, I changed the launch date from my wedding anniversary to a week later. Launching my divorce business on the day of my wedding anniversary had a reclaimation story behind it.

But PR and marketing aren’t cute, kitchy, and fun if the product doesn’t work. Or if you’re traveling in Italy, a country known for having not the strongest internet.

I told talked through my decision with my friend, Teresa. Really, I was looking for affirmation that I made the right decision. Reasurrance, maybe. I’m building a business; being responsible for everything is a bit overwhelming at times.¹

I gave her all my reasons.

“It feels like resetting the deadline is appropriate,” she said, “It feels like there's good, like, I'm not concerned about us not hitting the deadline and I think it actually will happen…all this sounds good.”²

What she didn’t say was ask why I was trying to convince her. It’s my brand and my startup funds. But some part of me needed to tell her why I changed the date and what dependency was really driving me fucking crazy because, oh yeah, starting a business takes time.

Teresa is a corporate misfit, like me. We met on Twitter back in the glory days of 2009/2010. Back when everyone was tweeting and blogging. And we were writers posing as community managers.

Teresa and I met for the first time in real life in 2014 when she joined HTC. The first day we met in person, I ran from my cubicle across the office to the elevator doors and lept into a full-body hug. T’s signature laugh roared through the hallway.

We both gave our notice on the same day. And went off on separate adventures. Mine, which brought me here, to my boyfriend’s kitchen in the centre of Lausanne, Switzerland, writing and listening to the most epic morning show playlist.

T’s adventure brought her to launching her own company this summer—a fractional Chief of Staff and business consultancy.

She had read this post that I wrote:

and sent me this DM on Instagram:

And hired her hired her to help me with business strategy and getting DD across the line.

Which, honestly, if you’re launching a business, I highly recommend hiring your highly-qualified friends who do the work that you need help with. Like Teresa. Who is someone I like and know and respect. Who is a friend/colleague that has been circling the same space. And can console me when I need it and talk directly when I need it too.

Who, like me, has gone on new own adventure since we last worked together and figured out what she really wants out of her job and her workplace. Who is a champion and believes in me and also pedigreed through expereience, so she knows her shit too and sees my vision.

How fucking cool is it that I get to hire my friends to help me launch my business?

And I get to be one of their first clients and help them launch their business too?

All by being ourselves.

Very demur, very mindful, very dispatched divorcée.³

They say that it takes twice as long and costs twice as much to build a house. And a business? Make that three times as much.

Something like that.

In January of this year, I told myself a few things:

1. This might not be the year that I finish my book. Yet.

2. I need to focus my creative energy in launching my business.

I promised myself that in June, I could reassess the promise I made to myself about my book.

To be honest, I was really embarassed about admitting that to myself.

And then to admit it to you, too. Like I did back in June in this post:

"How's the book going?"

You have bought into my project.

And telling you that the book is not finished (yet) and that it’s not a priority for this year…feels like failure.

Even though I know and you know that sometimes creative projects need to simmer for a bit.

And, yeah, there’s this business idea that’s been inside of me too, that’s been evolving and spinning around for years that hasn’t had attention either. And both ideas, both projects, emerged and came to life around the same time. Like twins.⁴

Well, that’s a different way to look at all of this.

I’m going to stop right here. The red thread has run through and out of me.

I wish you a curious week ahead.

Until next time and with love from Lausanne,

1. most times

2. Thank you, AI note taking buddy, for the quotes that I could go back to.

3. Here’s the original TikTok.

4. Maybe that’s a better way to look at all of this.